Sunday, 1 May 2011

No Metal in the MRI Death Tube

*** Okay first of all, I'm really sorry to have to do this guys but: I'm struggling to pay my Etsy fees at the moment, even though they're only about $40/£20. Basically if I don't pay them, my store is gonna close! I would love it if we could all help each other out, you get some awesome jewelry, I get to keep my store open! My store is here: chicgeek82's awesome store of wonderment and if you buy ANYTHING from me, you can get 20% off with the code ECC20. Right, now that unpleasantness is done with, back to your regularly scheduled weirdness ***

Ugh. I have to go for a brain scan MRI type dealie in 2 weeks. I know exactly what you're thinking "ha, I hope they find a brain in there!". Yes, very good, I'm hoping the same thing! Did I ever mention that I'm extremely claustrophobic and if I can't immediately spread my arms and legs into a starfish shape then I freak out and can't breathe? Because of a previous MRI when I was a kid, back when MRI tubes were long and dark and scary. With no music. And here's the best part... my MRI as a child was done on the back of a truck. Honest to God. On the back of a truck. Isn't that the most technologically advanced trailer trash thing you ever heard? "Y'all come back now, we be doin' dialysis next week ya hear?" 

Now imagine how much I'm looking forward to this procedure. Not to mention the fact that this time I'm an adult so I get to lie there freaking out going "Oh god I bet I have a brain tumour the size of Milwaukee" or "I don't think I ever got a shard of metal in my eye, but what if I did? What if it slipped past me? MY EYE IS GOING TO POP OUT!".

None of this is even remotely rational right? And yet, these are the thoughts that required some Valium at 3am this morning. Nothing else helped, not even constantly chanting "Tony Soprano had an MRI in the first episode of The Sopranos, and he is a giant sweaty mob boss. You are not. You will not get stuck in the tube."  That just lead into another cycle of worrying that maybe all the sweatiness and sausage grease helped him slide into the tube. Mob boss lube. That's right, I spent at least 10 minutes contemplating James Gandolfini's greased up man boobs this morning. This isn't the behaviour of a normal person. Just so we're clear -

Ok so my emotional problems aside, here's the main reason for the post. In my little "hey you, come get in this tube for an hour" letter, they said that I can take a CD with me to listen to while I'm gnawing my face off in terror. My immediate reaction was "who the hell still has CD's?" Then I realised I own about 4 CD's that actually still play. 

1) Steel Panther - Feel the Steel
2) Iron Maiden - Number of the Beast
3) Iron Maiden - Somewhere Back in Time
4) The Who - Greatest Hits 

I can't take Steel Panther, the lyrics are so rude that I would be lying in the death tube giggling to myself about how naughty it all was.

I can't take Iron Maiden because obviously they rock too damn much and you can't play air guitar in a death tube.

Under no circumstances can I take The Who. I have a serious problem when it comes to The Who. Every time I hear the really kickass part of Baba O'Reilly, or Won't Get Fooled Again I get the urge to start kicking doors open like in the video for Sabotage by the Beastie Boys. This causes no end of issues if I try to watch CSI. 

I need your help guys. Please recommend me some music I can listen to that will 
a) Distract me from the horrifying predicament I'm in, and
b) Keep me somewhat calm, and won't encourage me to kick over equipment etc in a rock and roll frenzy! 

Leave me some comments with some recommendations you guys! Until then, check out these items from Etsy:

This shirt is brilliant! If there was one picture to sum up The Who, then I think this would be it (maybe more so if it featured shirtless Roger Daltrey. *ahem*). Very much recommended for any fan of The Who, or in fact, for fans of good music! 

Wayhey! It's Roger! And he's still got on that bloody fringed suede jacket. This paperweight is fantastic and something I wish I had had on my desk when I was working various soul crushing jobs. It's like fair enough you may be at work and it may suck but it's nearly home time and then you can rock really hard! Don't let the man bring you down and all that. Instead, I just slacked off and hid in the toilets a lot. 

Until next time true believers, Excelsior! 


  1. Hope you didn't get booted from Etsy. Repeat after me....MRIs are fun and are not a death tube!I say take Garbage "I Think I'm Paranoid".

  2. I'm still clinging on by the skin of my teeth! Garbage, oh man I love me some Shirley Manson... yet another Scottish Ginger!

  3. Go to your happy place. Close your eyes and just daydream like crazy - about being a bestseller, or wooed by your fave actor or something :)