Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Tom Cruise and a Shark Fetus walk into a bar...

So it's 2:48 am on a Tuesday morning, and being the shiftless, jobless wastrel I am, I'm still awake. Oh no. This is a problem of late, as my sleep goes in bizarre circular patterns, where one day I'm tucked up in bed by 9pm, then a few days later I'm still up at this time. Mainly because I was asleep until 1pm having a weird dream about kicking ass and taking names with Brock Samson. Seriously. I need to stop watching the Venture Brothers before bed. Let's not even start on my dreams about The Office. 

I was planning on stealing an idea from a good friend of mine (Hi Pete!), where you write terrible movie reviews from memory. This was a cool idea until I realised a) I remember too much about awful movies, and b) Pete might kick my ass. That's pretty unlikely though, as 99% of my friends don't even know about this blog. Mainly because I don't want them being all "hurr your blog is dumb, no one cares what you think about a Pokemon". 

Not that I only write about Pokemon but you get the idea. There is also the problem of friends who are more creative than I ever will be, and friends who are far more verbose (Hi again Pete!).  My only saving grace is if anyone ever finds this, I can just say "Yeah? Well remember the time you wrote that prog rock epic about Henry VIII that lasted 30 minutes? And I stood up for the entire thing in platform heels? Yeah? Well shut up!" 

I have weird friends. 

I have, however, decided to write about movies anyway. But not movie reviews from memory.. no. Today, you get to learn how I am the worst Film student ever. Here's something you didn't know. I have a BA in Film and Media. Get me! chicgeek82 BA (Hons). I always feel a bit like Mr T when I tell people I have a BA. Sucka. 

I learned 2 things from that course. Here they are in no specific order.

1) When Jaws was released, shark fetuses were sold in jars as souvenirs.
2) Something about Top Gun. Don't know what though.

Granted, a lot of my time at University was spent partying like an aged rockstar, but you'd think I would come away with a bit more than that? Surely? I must at least have an awesome taste in films, and a DVD collection full of classics. 


Ladies and gentlemen, I have never seen The Godfather. Or The Graduate. Or Annie Hall. Think of a classic movie. Got it? Yeah? I probably haven't seen it. 

However, my DVD collection contains such classics as: Zombie Strippers, Driller Killer, Crank, Dark Floors (The Lordi Movie), all 3 Transporter movies and 48 Weeks Later which has the tagline "The Bums are eating the Cops!". 

A friend of mine has a secret cupboard where he stores all his embarassing movies. Me? I keep 'em on the rack, pride of place. 

It's like I have some magnet in my head that instantly draws me to terrible, terrible movies. I've been bodily dragged from a shop so I wouldn't buy a copy of Transmorphers. I've cackled in glee at Snakes on a Train. Tonight, I watched Jason Statham shoot a stripper in the tits, then laughed as the implant goo ran out. Me and my fancy book learnin'... 

I recently started a LoveFilm trial (I guess it's kind of like the UK version of Netflix). This was going to be my chance to redeem myself and rent only highbrow movies that would expand my horizons. Or something. I put Annie Hall on the list. I tried to get Black Swan but it was all rented out.. so uh.. I chose a film called Rubber instead. 

Rubber is a film about a killer tyre.

£12,000 to learn something about Top Gun that I forgot.  

I never should have laughed when that one girl said her favourite movie was Titanic. 

Reverse the Polarity of the Neutron Flow!

Yes yes worst blogger ever, never on time, could do better if she just applied herself. But! AH HA! It's not my fault this time! Nyaaaah! I haven't actually been able to log into blogger since about Wednesday. I've been trying! Trying reeeeally hard, but no dice. And now I can log in. You lucky people. 

The angry bees in my throat are still not gone but merely come and go now. So it's not so bad. 

On to Dr Who!  I just found out that because of Memorial Day, the US won't be getting this episode until next week so... 


Wow! So uh.. the poop really hit the fan this week huh guys? 

We'll get to all the OMG parts in a little bit, but we should probably talk about the episode as a whole maybe... maybe. Ok.  I have a confession. I sat through the entire episode and watched it but I missed SO much. This is mainly because I watched in my mums living room (we have separate living rooms, how posh are we? Not very.) and her television directly faces the sun. And you're not allowed to close the curtains. Closing the living room curtains is like biting the head off a statue of Baby Jesus, on Christmas morning, after taking a dump INSIDE the turkey. She doesn't like it. On top of that, my dad sets the brightness so low, any night time scenes are reminiscent of the darkest parts of The Blair Witch Project. I'm not sure if this is because he misses the days of black and white TV, or he thinks more colour costs extra. Anyway...

Yeah. I missed a lot of action but I have the basic gist of everything and I promise I will watch it again on iPlayer. 

I'll be honest, as the second part of a two parter I found this episode a bit lackluster. There were parts that I really, really enjoyed but in comparison to last week, I don't think it held up as well as it should. Last week's episode, I compared that to The Thing.. This weeks was more a filler episode of the X Files.

My main problem? The god awful CGI. Dr Who has some AMAZING villains sometimes. Look at all the work that goes into Cybermen, Daleks, Judoon and The Ood. And then look at the dreadful CGI plop we got this week. Empress of the Racnoss, that was a woman in a suit and make up. Probably one of the most (visually) impressive Dr Who bad guys in a long time. And yet they still think it's appropriate to include wibbly CGI like this. I appreciate budgets don't stretch awfully far, but you would think for one of the BBC's flagship programs they could do a bit better? Even the gorilla cyberman thing covered in black mopheads was less ridiculous! 

It was also a very touchy feely type of episode. However! It was also quite fun in places. And very much like the olden days of Dr Who. Lots of running around corridors, getting trapped in places, having to do X Y and Z or we would all die... Awesome stuff. My favourite part? Ganger Doctor going all wibbly because of his previous regenerations and quoting older Doctors with things about Jelly Babies and Reversing the Polarity of the Neutron Flow! 

Okay.. on to what EVERYBODY wants to talk about. Amy is a ganger. Oh em gee. Here is the theory from my household: Amy was real Amy until she was taken by The Silence. She doesn't know how long they had her. This is when she had a "Flesh" copy made, and this copy has been pretending to be Amy since..  Because:
Amy tells the Doctor she's pregnant. Then she's taken by The Silence. Then she tells the Doctor she's not pregnant. The scanner is saying pregnant/not pregnant because real Amy IS pregnant, her Ganger ISN'T but they're linked to each other. As for why she's in that tube with the woman looking in on her etc etc... I have no idea. All I know is it made me a bit claustrophobic! 

Also.. Amy told the REAL Doctor that she saw him die, not the Ganger Doctor like she thought. Ruh roh! So uh.. who can't wait for next weeks episode? Wowza! 

On to pretty Etsy things! This week I'm going for a "Previous Doctors" theme:

Would you look at the size of that?! This scarf is HUGE. Huge and awesome. Tom Baker as the Doctor will always have a spot in my heart, as that's what got me interested in the whole thing. Remember the one with the giant green glowing maggots? Yeah.. that one. It was awesome being off school for a month and watching Dr Who all day. I adore this scarf. I'm genuinly amazed at the amount of work that must have gone into it, completely justifying the price tag! This will definitely keep you warm this winter! Wow! 

All the Doctors except Mr Smith! What makes me sad is that people count Paul McGann as the 8th Doctor. Ugh that whole thing was awful. Was Paul McGann in The Upper Hand or was that his brother? Not that that matters. Obviously for continuity and numbers etc etc, Paul McGann is the 8th Doctor. Enough of that. This print is brilliant! My favourite part is the fact that such a simple print has managed to capture the personality of each Doctor so well! Sylvester McCoy and his cheeky little face, Jon Pertwee looking a bit grumpy.. love it! And the little quote, "Saving the Galaxy one face at a time..." That's ace! 

Okay I know I said I was going for a previous Doctors sort of thing this week, but hey.. Previous Doctors have fought The Ood right? And if you don't think this little guy is badass then.. well... shhh! What could be cuter than coming home to find your pet cat snuggling with an Ood? Well, a lot of things probably. But a cute little stuffed, crocheted Ood filled with Catnip? Nothing! That is the epitome of cute! As soon as I have spare pennies, Boo cat is definitely getting one of these for her bad self! 

In conclusion, this weeks Dr Who was awesome. I remain awesome, albeit a little bit grumpy and sore. Further blog posts will come, assuming I can dodge tidying a giant cupboard and my angry bee sore throat doesn't drive me insane. Happy Memorial Day in the US and Happy Bank Holiday Piss Up BBQ day in the UK! If you're in another country.. well, Happy Monday I guess? Except it's Tuesday now, so uh.. yeah. 

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Kind of like I ate 5 angry bees...

So we've previously established that I love to complain. If there's something to complain about, BAM! I'm right at the front of the queue. Do you have any idea how insufferable it is to live with me when I'm ill?

I'm illllllllllllllllllllllll. Well, no. If I had some sort of explosive food poisoning or maybe I had been bitten on the nose by a bat and then went to live under the porch only to come out and harass that nice woman and her kid in the car out there because I have RABIES, then yeah maybe you could say I was ill. You could also say I probably read too much trashy Stephen King but that's a whole other matter. The long and short of it is, my throat hurts.

Oh man, does my throat hurt. In my 28 and a bit years on this planet I've had pretty much every throat pain ever. Stabby ones, achey ones, those weird ones that sometimes happen and it makes you smell funny things... I've even had tonsillitis. But this one is just.. ugh. My throat is SO dry. That's what's causing the pain and annoyance and whining. A dry throat. But it's so dry it feels like it's sticking to itself. How gross is that?

I've had drinks.. I've had mints and various other sweets.. I've tried shouting at it but that doesn't work because my throat is too sore to shout. Even my sweet sweet cigarettes, my only vice in the world, are causing me pain. And they're menthol! Menthol is minty, minty things help when you're ill! 

And I keep swallowing, and doing this clicky thing with my throat. Like I'm a dolphin maybe. Except if I was a dolphin I'd be saying "hey dolphins, this sucks, my throat hurts.. I'm not doing any goddam backflips today, screw you Seaworld!" It's probably okay being a dolphin with a sore throat, because you're surrounded by all that salt water. Salt water helps.. except this time. 

Today I had to go to TWO supermarkets which is my least favourite thing to do on earth, and now I feel so foul I came home and got straight into my pajamas. Then I started looking for things on Etsy that would make me feel better. So far I found these: 

Pugs! Pajamas! Two of my favourite things, finally together! If you don't like pugs, well, I don't know what to tell you. Except that you are wrong. Pugs are the most superior doggies on Earth, because they turn even the hardest man into a bubbling pile of mush after just 5 minutes of "awww wookit his widdle smushy face d'aawwwww". Pugs rock my socks. These yoga pants are just.. oh man they're amazing. I want to buy them and live in them forever.

EDIT: I just got a message from nicandthenewfie who make these wonderful yoga pants, and they're offering 15% off all items in their store if you use the code chicgeek . How cool are they? You should go buy looooads from them for being so awesome :) 

Little tiny bears to soothe your sore throat. What could be better? These little dudes are organic, vegan and come in other flavours including cinnamon, peppermint, lime and orange! How good is that? Because I don't know about you, but I get pretty tired of sucking on those awful throat lozenges that come in flavours like "Rubbing Alcohol and Lemon", "Blackcurrant and Disinfectant" and "Honey and Floor Cleaner". Apart from the fact I nearly called them "Horehouse Hard Candies", these are brilliant! 

Now, living in Scotland you would think I'd be used to the ridiculous temperatures and having all 4 seasons in one day. You would be wrong. Right now, it's the end of May and we have 100mph winds and hail. HAIL. At this second, I can think of nothing better than curling up in bed, under my duvet with this hot water bottle cover. And a hot water bottle obviously. Look at it! It's all furry and warm.. and it's leopard print which is my number one favourite print in the whole wide world. Even my phone wallpaper is an eye burning acid green leopard print. If it was real, that leopard would have no chance in the wild. No sir. Oh, I should also mention, this hot water bottle cover comes with a free sachet of lavendar right now, so not only is it awesome and furry etc etc but it will smell nice AND help you sleep! Bargain! 

In conclusion, I still feel awful and grumpy and will no doubt regale you with more tales of woe for the rest of the week. Boo hoo. 

Monday, 23 May 2011

Bad Face Day

Wayhey! We didn't get raptured! Which means that yes, we all got to watch Dr Who, and I have absolutely no excuses for not writing about it sooner. Except I do because I was so tired I actually fell asleep during Saturdays episode for about 30 seconds. Oh em gee. I know I'm always complaining about being tired but I did a *lot* of housework, and hoovering stairs is hard you guys! 

Okay.. on to The Rebel Flesh. 

First thing's first. As much as I enjoy two parters, because hells yeah more Doctor, it does pose me with a slight problem. The first episode is always sort of a "build up" episode until the last few minutes, which really doesn't leave me much to write about! But I shall persevere... 

Is anyone else really enjoying this season because you don't need 5 degrees in astrophysicsmumbojumbo to understand what's actually happening? I'm loving it. It's like "mining acid, acid is dangerous, people die, we create facsimilies of the people from the goo, oh no the goo people are kind of sentient or something arghghghgh they think they're us".

There we go, entire episode summarised in one ridiculous sentence. But not really. The CGI in the bathroom part was really, really awful wasn't it? Wow. John Carpenter did pretty much the same thing in the 1980s with The Thing. Probably only used 3 lollipop sticks, a rubber band and a hamster. Looked a helluva lot better than that did. Damn. To be honest, the whole thing (so far) kind of feels like one big homage to The Thing. Trapped in a weird place in the middle of nowhere, can't get out because of the weather, no one knows who's them and who's The Thing (or a "Ganger" which is a ridiculous name and sounds a bit rude).

I also can't be the only one who keeps wondering "goo that makes copies of people, where have I heard that before?" It's really bugging me. I think there was a movie in the 80s where there was an evil goo and it did something like that. Maybe I'm thinking of "The Stuff" but that was evil yoghurt goo that turned you into a zombie. Hmm. 

WHAT IS RORY UP TO?!! How dare he be all "Oh hey goo lady wassup, how 'bout we roam around unmapped areas of this castle together. Alone. Bow chicka bow wow". Except Rory would never be that smooth so it's probably more "Hurr... you girl... pretty.. um.. go castle now?" Either way, why would you be chasing the goo lady when you have the lovely Amy Pond? Maybe he ate some of the goo. Like "The Stuff". 

And a goo Doctor! Oooooo that's gonna be creeeeeeeepy. 

Like I said, two parters do cause me problems because.. well.. they come in two parts. So I can't really go any further. I did enjoy this episode and I'm definitely looking forward to next week to see what happens, and if Rory gets a smack upside the head. Hurrah!

Oh yes, weird lady in the wall. She made an appearance again didn't she. And Amy's still wibbly wobbly yes/no pregnant. Still no further forward on either of those things. Although my fiancé did point out this is the first time the weird lady has appeared and not said anything. HMMMMMMM!

On to the pretty things!

This is incredibly pretty, and really unusual. You see a lot of Dr Who jewellery and clothing and buttons and stuff, but never really much in the way of hair accessories. I'm not usually into the whole "Steampunk" thing (sorry!) but this is lovely. Mainly because it doesn't have 50 pointless cogs glued on to it. My favourite thing about this ? It has an alligator clip on the back to keep it in your hair. I have really really fine hair and always find it difficult to keep things like this IN my hair. Alligator clip means it's going nowhere! Awesome :) 

Okay so this is a bit of a strange pick for me. I don't knit, I don't crochet, and I don't know if there's any difference between yarn and wool. Or if you can make things that aren't socks from this. But I'm sure those who are more crafty than I will know all about it. I picked this because OMG the colours! So pretty. This colour is based on the final episode of the last series, where the Doctor gets his fez. Personally, it reminds me more of the opening credits with the whole wibbly wobbly timey wimey bits. Either way, it's beautiful. Imagine some dreadlock falls made from this! Wow! (assuming you can use this type of yarn for that... I don't know!) 

Okay here's a shout out to my fiancé and his love of "fengah pappets... pappets for your fengahs". Look at those little googly eyes. Every time I see this finger puppet I want to giggle like the fool I am because he looks so silly! This little guy comes from a seller called FeltSewSweet and you really, REALLY, need to check out their store. I am actually in love with it. So many cute little Dr Who things, including loads of good guy/bad guy finger puppets, AND some gorgeous hair clips. They even have fish fingers and custard hair clips! You'd be a fool not to go check it out. Seriously. GO! NOW! 

Well, that's it for now. I'll *try* to blog some more through the week like I always promise I will but I never do. I don't have much to do this week so hopefully I can get my butt into gear. Unless there's another Rapture or something that no one told me about. I'm also pretty shocked that I'm the 3rd Google result for "who is the woman who keeps appearing to Amy Pond".. So yeah. Go me! Woo! 

Friday, 20 May 2011

Hey ABC! Bite Me!

Hey ABC! I am mad as hell right now! And I'm .. er.. not gonna do anything except maybe write a really snarky blog post. 

Can you believe ABC cancelled V? I'm sooo sad about this. And also quite enraged. Enraged with nerdy, nerdy anger. (I'm also starting a lot of sentences with "And". Take THAT, English teachers of the world!) 

Okay this is going to sound geeky as hell, and possibly bring my families parenting skills into question, but: The original series of V is the 2nd memory I have. There's a possibility it's the first, as my recollection of Live Aid is sketchy at best. It was just after we moved into the house we live in now, and I was just over 2 years old, and I came downstairs from bed (no doubt being obnoxious about something) to find my parents watching some weird show with all these people in crazy red jumpsuits. Thankfully I was ushered back to bed before any face ripping/gerbil eating began. But then years later, it was shown again on TV and we all sat down as a family to watch it and OH MY GOD IT WAS AWESOME. Old and cheesy and a bit rubbish in places but awesome. Yes. 

So when the NEW series of V was announced, and I heard all the changes they were making, I was all "Pfffft that's gonna suck, not gonna watch that hells no". And I resisted for soooo long. Then I found out Jane Badler was going to be brought back as Diana, and I thought yeah, I need to watch this. 

I.. "procured".. the first series, and after the first episode I was absolutely hooked. I ended up watching the whole first series in a night (woo! go insomnia!). Unfortunately, I was full of questions, like "What is red rain?" "Whats the deal with Tyler being so important?" and of course "Will Anna's neck KEEP getting longer?".

I had to wait almost a whole year for the second series. The entire time I kept thinking "oh god I bet this gets cancelled before we see it". But it wasn't! The second series kicked ass in so many different ways. Wow. Granted, the CGI backgrounds were a bit ropey in places compared to the first series, and some of the storylines were a bit dumb but wow. So much action compared to the first series which just seemed to plod along in comparison.

I'm not going to post any spoilers because I'm sure some people haven't seen it blahblahblah, but damn. The final episode as a whole is just one massive cliffhanger. Just.. HUGE. And now we'll never know what happens. Because ABC suck really badly, and cancelled it. While shows like 2 and a Half Men are still on the air.  I did try to tweet my disgust at ABC but they have so many different accounts is nigh on impossible to find the right one. I didn't want to be tweeting ABC News Muffin Deliverers by mistake, ya know? 

Despite my fancy media degree, I don't know if the rights can be sold on to another station to continue the series. I wish they could, even if it was someone like SyFy. I just want to see some goddam humans being eaten by giant lizards you guys :( 

Now, Etsy draws a complete blank when it comes to V items. So have some cool alien/lizard stuff: 

Hey look! Something else from the 80s! "Space Invaders" is pretty much the ultimate 1980s alien themed game. Unless of course you count ET for the Atari (snicker, chortle). There used to be a huge arcade near my grandmas house, and it had a Space Invaders machine in the window.. I was always so scared of that giant orange one on the side. Ew. But look at this! Make your baby fancy, retro and a bit geeky with this cool diaper cover. Being childless myself, I'm not 100% on what a diaper cover actually IS but I have my ideas. Basically, if you need one, go buy this one!

Remember in the original series of V when Robyn gave birth to twin babies and one was like a normal baby but with a lizard tongue and eyes, and the other one was AAH!!! ALIEN LIZARD BABY!!!  Well.. TA DAAA! I swear, this little guys is probably the best thing I've ever seen on Etsy. He's so frickin' cute and weird and oh god I want to get like 10 of them. Also the background matches my background so that's extra cool points. I don't think we get Kewpie Dolls in the UK, but I've seen a normal one and trust me... they're much creepier when they're NOT painted green. 

This is absolutely gorgeous. Such tiny delicate work! Obviously this isn't a REAL Komodo dragon skull, because those things are about 6 feet long, giant, and will fuck your shit up royally if you even look at it the wrong way. Seriously, they kill people. This little guy wont, and you can totally tell people it's in remembrance of that one time you battled to the death with a Komodo dragon and totally kicked its ass. Or.. it's a really pretty piece of jewellery. 

Ok guys.. assuming we don't all get Raptured tomorrow, I'll be back with Dr Who bloggy goodness. Although even if we DO get raptured I guess it all depends on the timing... if it's like, 10pm GMT I should be able to post it by then I guess. And if some of us do, and I don't, then I guess I'll just write it anyway. Tie yourself to someone Holy looking just in case... if Jesus want's them for a sunbeam, he'll have to take you too! 

Monday, 16 May 2011

Good thing deadlines aren't literal...

Oh my goodness I am the worst blogger EVER. I know I promised my weekly Dr Who blog would be on Saturday evening but damn... I am so tired lately, I'm not much good for anything. Except maybe for eating these new Double Stuffed Oreos. Have you tried them? Wow. 

Okay.. on to this weeks episode, The Doctors Wife!

First off, this episode was obviously going to be brilliant since it was written by Neil Gaiman. For those not in the know Neil Gaiman is a novelist, comic book writer, graphic novel writer, he's written for movies, television and even starred in an episode of the kids show Arthur. How cool is that? So yeah.. awesome, very talented guy. 

I really, really, really enjoyed this episode. Suranne Jones as the TARDIS/Idris was fantastic, although at certain points she seemed to be channeling Marla Singer. That's okay though, I love Fight Club. Only question I have though, isn't "Idris" a brand of Ginger Beer? 

It was quite fun to see other parts of the TARDIS. I can't remember EVER seeing other parts, unless it was years and years and years ago (please feel free to correct me!). And how creepy was old man Rory? And scary? When he started screaming about things coming for him... ahgghgh! That bit was really intense and I got a little scared! 

Oh, and the voice of House/The evil TARDIS? Michael Sheen. I swear, that man gets everywhere! 

Towards the end of this episode. Oh wow. The Doctor telling Idris/The TARDIS he didn't want her to die... I think this is possibly the saddest episode since David Tennants last appearance. Granted, I cried absolute buckets at that, and I only had a little tear at this one but still.. so very sad. I think possibly because the lines for the two episodes were very similar. Booo. 

It was quite nice to avoid the whole Amy pregnancy/freaky woman in the walls "storyline" for a week. Granted I'm sure it's all important but being a timey wimey person, you probably have other things to worry about sometimes. Like timeheads. 

This was genuinely one of my favourite episodes ever. Absolutely loved it. Oh and I guess Rory did kind of die.. again. I'm starting to think I should start some sort of Death tally? Maybe next week he'll fall off his bunkbed!

Oops! Just realised I forgot something quite important! "The only water in the forest is the river". OOOOOOOOOH! What does that mean?! 

On to the Etsy goodness! 

I found these cute little guys last week, and they're so amazing, they've sold already! I don't usually feature stuff that's already been sold but I thought these were so brilliant it would be rude not to show them! I've been thinking about trying my hand at custom My Little Pony's for a while and these are proof that you don't have to add 15lbs of sculpting stuff to make an awesome pony! My absolute favourite part is Amy's hair.. I wonder how I can get my hair that colour?! 

If you're anything like me, you go to the supermarket to buy one tiny little thing and then come out with almost a whole trolley of stuff. And now supermarkets really really grudge giving you plastic bags. Saving the planet and all that jazz. Now, I never ever remember to bring reusable bags with me because they're so bulky and some of them are scratchy and horrible and blah. This bag? This bag is awesome. It comes in a little drawstring pouch which would be soooo easy to just leave in your bag, then pull it out when you need it! The pouch has a TARDIS on it, then the main bag says It's Bigger on the Inside. It also seems to have a shoulder strap, so you don't have to shred your hands carrying heavy bags. You would be dumb not to get one of these!

Do you enjoy "singing" the Dr Who theme tune at the top of your voice to annoy friends, relatives and loved ones? Or is that just me... ? Every Saturday night you can find me going DOOOO WEEE OOOOOOOOHHHH DOOOO WEE OOOOOOH... And my poor poor fiancé has to put up with that. This t shirt is brilliant, also comes in Womens sizes and the seller has plenty more Dr Who themed shirts in store! Go looky! 

Cross Stitch isn't just for grandmas now! I always felt so geeky as a teenager when I would be sat working away on my cross stitch. But no more! This is one of the best cross stitch patterns I've seen in a long time, and is really making me want to get back into it... Hmmm!

Finally, a bit unusual but I want to show off my latest piece! 

This is my first attempt at anything using lampwork/glass beads, and I'm actually really proud of it. I came across the green beads originally, and looked for AGES for black ones to complement them. I think they really go well together. I would love some feedback from all you lovely people who actually read my blog :) 

Hopefully, I'll be a bit more awake/less busy this week so I will be able to do some midweek blogging! Yay! 

Saturday, 14 May 2011

Tube Fail

Okay so remember how I was all freaked out about going for the MRI? Oh my God. My appointment was on Thursday evening at 5.30pm. I wasn't even freaking out that badly, I was feeling pretty calm.. had my little mix CD with some nice calm tunes on it.. I was feeling pretty confident.

Got to the hospital, took all my piercings out, got in the little backless gown that made me flash my arse at everyone behind me (luckily I wore my incredibly tasteful zebra print underwear *ahem*). Answered all the little questionnaire things, handed over my CD. Had to take my make up off because apparently some of it contains metal? And apparently some tattoos have metal in the ink as well? That wasn't very reassuring... But still, I soldiered on. I also informed the nurses I am BEYOND claustrophobic.

Got into the little MRI room, impressed all the nurses with the fact I can tie my hair in a ponytail using only my own hair. Then it all goes downhill from here!

I lay down on the table, and they put this weird helmet thing over my head. Honestly, I felt like Magneto but didn't want to say that in case I just looked like a massive geek. It had a weird little mirror right above my eyes like a rearview mirror in a car. Apparently so I could see outside the machine to keep me calm. Yeah.. Then they added the giant stethoscope like earbuds for the music. THEN they added the giant Kotex-esque pads on either side of my head to keep me still. So by this point my head is pretty much completely enclosed and I'm not even in the machine. 

Then they started moving me in. And I'm not ashamed to admit I started to hyperventilate. I got in as far as my shoulders and had to get out. It was horrendous. They asked if I wanted to try again but no way. Absolutely no way. I didn't even realise until I got to the little changing area that I was literally dripping with sweat. The nurses were all really lovely saying not to worry and that it happens all the time. Then in the car park, I was sick. It took a 20 mile drive home, and 2 hours before I stopped shaking.

The main problem is, everyone I know was trying to convince me that they would ONLY be putting me in halfway, like only my top half would go in the machine. I was kind of okay with that. But they actually wanted to put me all the way in. Aghghghggh.

I must sound like such a wuss. I haven't been able to sleep properly for the past 2 nights because I keep going back over being in that machine. I feel really bad though, someone else who's not a complete failure at life could have used that appointment to see what the hell was wrong with them. Ugh. 

What happens now? I have no idea. Possibly a CT scan. It doesn't help matters that since the appointment, my left side has been agony. 

On the plus side - new Dr Who blog later tonight :) 

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Ugh.. Pirates

I'm not entirely sure if the Internet is the first place I should be admitting this.. but.. I hate pirates. To me, there is nothing else on this earth more dull than pirates. I would legitimately rather watch a 5 hour Antiques Roadshow special on 18th century feminine hygiene products than watch another Pirates of the Carribean movie. I foolishly saw the 3rd one in the cinema, I was asleep after about 20 minutes. Half naked Orlando Bloom tied to that plank of wood didn't even hold my interest. THAT'S HOW MUCH I HATE PIRATES. New Pirates of the Carribean movie? Zzz...

(I will admit I dressed up as a pirate a few years ago for Halloween, but the costume came with this badass net underskirt that would have normally cost as much as the whole costume so.. I was being thrifty okay!) 

So can you imagine how much I wasn't looking forward to Dr Who meets some pirates. With Lily bloody Cole and her weird alien head. AND AND AND.. that weird whiny kid from Emmerdale (sorry if you're in the US and don't know what Emmerdale is, it's pretty much a terrible soap opera set in a tiny village and it's awful)

Overall, I enjoyed Curse of the Black Spot. Surprisingly. The only real piece of ARRR WE BE PIRATES AND WILL SWASHBUCKLE YE ARRR came from Amy, and was actually kind of funny.

What I liked MOST about this episode, was that it wasn't 40 minutes of "a thing happening" then 5 minutes of "Oh the Dr has a solution and it works! the end!". He came up with a few theories and they were all rubbish! But he got there in the end, and that's what's important. More of that please BBC. Lily Cole as the Siren was also (surprisingly) good, and overall the story was pretty enjoyable and easy to follow which makes a change!

I think what we're ALL bothered about though, is who is that woman that keeps appearing in the walls? With the weird monocle thing? And she only appears to Amy. Hmm. Does this have to do with Amy's possible baby? And it's Timehead? And and and! What about that little girl from last week? What's up with that? SO MANY QUESTIONS! AAAH!

In conclusion, Rory almost died (again)... I just can't bring myself to care. 

On to the Etsy stuff!  This week I am concentrating on Dr Who items that are mind bendingly cute! 

Ooooh myyyy goooooooossssshhhh! It's a weeny Doctor! He's so little and cute and oh man, I just want to smoosh him! Look at his giant eyes and floppy hair and bow tie and and and... Ok I need a minute. But seriously, how cute is this ? It's 100% made to order as well, so if you need a HUGER bow tie, you can ask for it! It comes on a 16-18" chain, which can be substituted for a faux suede black cord. I think either would be gorgeous with this little guy hanging round your neck! Eeee! 

Amy Pond. As a mouse. Why? I don't know. To be honest, I don't care. BECAUSE IT IS AMY POND AS A MOUSE AND IT IS FRICKIN' CUTE AS HELL. This seller also makes 10th and 11th Doctor Mice, a Dalek Mouse, AND a TARDIS. It would be sad to just buy one of these little guys.. You need all of them, and then put them on your desk at work, and act out little scenarios with them. Then you wonder why you have to eat lunch on your own and that woman from HR keeps looking at you and writing things on her clipboard... So lonely. But you won't be lonely with these little mice dudes to keep you company yaaay! 

Ok, I admit it, I love the baby Adipose. Adiposes? Adipi? I don't know, either way they're so little and squishy and awww! These squishy little guys are crocheted from from acrylic yarn and are fuuuuuuuull of stuffing. Can you imagine hugging one of them? A little adipose friend of your very own.. aww. This listing is for one baby Adipose only, not a whole troop like in the picture! 

                 Dr Who - The Silence

Okay, under no circumstances are The Silence cute. In fact, there were several points during the 2 episodes featuring them that I actually went "eep!" But d'awwww look at this little guy! He's not scary at all.. and I'm pretty sure he wont make you explode and disappear either! The best part is, this is a fridge magnet.. So if there IS an evil "The Silence" lurking around your house, you'll remember when you see this! 

Dr Who blog will be back next week, hopefully on Saturday instead of Sunday this time! In the meantime, I will be blogging about various silly things through the week! Hurrah! 

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Gotta Catch 'em All

Oh man.. Pokemon. Aside from crippling tiredness, Pokemon is the number one reason there was no blog from me yesterday. I got a bit bored in the afternoon and thought "Hey yeah, I should totally start a new game of Pokemon White. It'll be okay because I am a grown up and fully in control of my life and my actions".

Before I knew where I was, it was 1am and I was frothing at the mouth about a monkey who is on fire. Then realised I had spent about 2 hours of that time giving my Pokemon names like "Gay Onion", "Globface", "DAVE", "Penispede" and "Ted Danson". 

People, I have a major Pokemon problem. When it first came out in the UK, I was at the awkward almost teenage phase and didn't want to play Pokemon because that was a cartoon and was for baaaaabies. My smaller cousins harangued me into playing the card game once and somehow I won all their pebbles. No idea how, no idea what the pebbles were for either but hey, they were shiny. Like most people I thought Pikachu was cute, and sometimes it was funny to make Pokemon noises to get thrown out of class but that was it. In my opinion, Pokemon was dumb.

Then in 2009, for many different reasons, I was living in Scotland while my fiancé was living in England with his mother. On a visit, when his mother was determined to ignore me (but leaving snarky notes about takeaway food while refusing to even let me look in the same direction as her food) I discovered Pokemon. I started playing and then BAM! 7 hours had passed and it was bedtime. Pokemon was my savior! Unfortunately I became a bit obsessed and still am, to this day.  I haven't touched a Pokemon game in 2 years. Now I'm off the wagon. Are there support groups for this? 

(incidentally, we don't talk to the mother in law any more, that woman is a stone cold bitch)

In the meantime while I try to detox from those cute little pocket monsters, have some of my favourite Pokemon items from Etsy:

Oshawott! This is the Pokemon I have started with this time around, mainly because who doesn't love saying "Oshawott"? It's the cutest thing. Except mine is now called DAVE. DAVE the Oshawott. I love, love, love this hat. And my favourite part is, you can give head measurements to make sure it fits! No more jamming on a tiny childs hat and asking "Do I look pretty?" Get an Oshawott that fits your head perfectly! I think it's pretty impossible to look at this hat without squeaking in glee, so you should probably go and buy 5 of them. Now! 

See? This is what I've been saying! Pokemon isn't just for nerdy basement dwelling neckbeard types and little kids. You can be a sexy, sassy lady Pokemon trainer with fab underwear! This is the standard set, if you're feeling really fancy and want to spend some of that hard earned cash from winning Pokemon battles, this seller also has a Victorias Secret set available too! How could you NOT want Pokeball boobs? 

Oh my God, this seller has a whole line of Pokemon based eyeshadows! Squirtle is my personal favourite, as you can see from the picture it's a gorgeous rich shimmery blue and is just... wow! They have everything from Charmander to Pikachu, Weepinbell and Porygon. And it's all vegan so you know there were no Pokemon hurt in the process! 

These are just a few of my favourite items so far, I'm sure as my obsession gets worse we'll be seeing a lot more Pokemon! 

Sunday, 1 May 2011

No Metal in the MRI Death Tube

*** Okay first of all, I'm really sorry to have to do this guys but: I'm struggling to pay my Etsy fees at the moment, even though they're only about $40/£20. Basically if I don't pay them, my store is gonna close! I would love it if we could all help each other out, you get some awesome jewelry, I get to keep my store open! My store is here: chicgeek82's awesome store of wonderment and if you buy ANYTHING from me, you can get 20% off with the code ECC20. Right, now that unpleasantness is done with, back to your regularly scheduled weirdness ***

Ugh. I have to go for a brain scan MRI type dealie in 2 weeks. I know exactly what you're thinking "ha, I hope they find a brain in there!". Yes, very good, I'm hoping the same thing! Did I ever mention that I'm extremely claustrophobic and if I can't immediately spread my arms and legs into a starfish shape then I freak out and can't breathe? Because of a previous MRI when I was a kid, back when MRI tubes were long and dark and scary. With no music. And here's the best part... my MRI as a child was done on the back of a truck. Honest to God. On the back of a truck. Isn't that the most technologically advanced trailer trash thing you ever heard? "Y'all come back now, we be doin' dialysis next week ya hear?" 

Now imagine how much I'm looking forward to this procedure. Not to mention the fact that this time I'm an adult so I get to lie there freaking out going "Oh god I bet I have a brain tumour the size of Milwaukee" or "I don't think I ever got a shard of metal in my eye, but what if I did? What if it slipped past me? MY EYE IS GOING TO POP OUT!".

None of this is even remotely rational right? And yet, these are the thoughts that required some Valium at 3am this morning. Nothing else helped, not even constantly chanting "Tony Soprano had an MRI in the first episode of The Sopranos, and he is a giant sweaty mob boss. You are not. You will not get stuck in the tube."  That just lead into another cycle of worrying that maybe all the sweatiness and sausage grease helped him slide into the tube. Mob boss lube. That's right, I spent at least 10 minutes contemplating James Gandolfini's greased up man boobs this morning. This isn't the behaviour of a normal person. Just so we're clear -

Ok so my emotional problems aside, here's the main reason for the post. In my little "hey you, come get in this tube for an hour" letter, they said that I can take a CD with me to listen to while I'm gnawing my face off in terror. My immediate reaction was "who the hell still has CD's?" Then I realised I own about 4 CD's that actually still play. 

1) Steel Panther - Feel the Steel
2) Iron Maiden - Number of the Beast
3) Iron Maiden - Somewhere Back in Time
4) The Who - Greatest Hits 

I can't take Steel Panther, the lyrics are so rude that I would be lying in the death tube giggling to myself about how naughty it all was.

I can't take Iron Maiden because obviously they rock too damn much and you can't play air guitar in a death tube.

Under no circumstances can I take The Who. I have a serious problem when it comes to The Who. Every time I hear the really kickass part of Baba O'Reilly, or Won't Get Fooled Again I get the urge to start kicking doors open like in the video for Sabotage by the Beastie Boys. This causes no end of issues if I try to watch CSI. 

I need your help guys. Please recommend me some music I can listen to that will 
a) Distract me from the horrifying predicament I'm in, and
b) Keep me somewhat calm, and won't encourage me to kick over equipment etc in a rock and roll frenzy! 

Leave me some comments with some recommendations you guys! Until then, check out these items from Etsy:

This shirt is brilliant! If there was one picture to sum up The Who, then I think this would be it (maybe more so if it featured shirtless Roger Daltrey. *ahem*). Very much recommended for any fan of The Who, or in fact, for fans of good music! 

Wayhey! It's Roger! And he's still got on that bloody fringed suede jacket. This paperweight is fantastic and something I wish I had had on my desk when I was working various soul crushing jobs. It's like fair enough you may be at work and it may suck but it's nearly home time and then you can rock really hard! Don't let the man bring you down and all that. Instead, I just slacked off and hid in the toilets a lot. 

Until next time true believers, Excelsior!